


if i could do it all again (i would)

by BYUNNlE



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Divorce, Getting Back Together, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Implied Mpreg, M/M, They still love each other, True Love, but it's very slight dw, dojae husbands change my mind, jisung is their baby and hes!!the cutest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-27
Updated: 2019-11-27
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:27:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,279
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21582241
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BYUNNlE/pseuds/BYUNNlE
Summary: Jaehyun used to have it all. He had a peaceful life, a job that made him satisfied but, what's the most important, he was married to the love of his life and together they had the cutest, sweetest son ever. It was all perfect, almost dreamlike.But unfortunately, every dream has to come to the end sooner or later.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung
Comments: 8
Kudos: 158





	if i could do it all again (i would)

**Author's Note:**

> hey!!  
> i'm back with something, it's the biggest thing i've ever written and well... i'm stressed?  
> i got that idea and decided to do something  
> about but im afraid it's not good but well, I'll leave that for your judgement.
> 
> {there's some implied mpreg, but its really slight and not graphic at all and only appears in like 2 sentences??but still, dont read if youre not comfortable with it!!}
> 
> it's most likely to be full of typos and grammar mistakes and im sorry in advance but english is not my first language & im gay so
> 
> alright, without further dragging, i present you my newest baby, please be nice to it

Jaehyun let out a heavy sigh, after finally starting up his engine and driving as far away from his office as he only could. What a fucking day. 

To say work was hard didn't express anyything. It was hell. He honestly couldn't remember last time it got that busy and he definitely hadn't missed it.  
But all the exhaustion and stress seemed to fade away at one moment when realization hit him with double force.  
It was Friday evening, but most inportantly, it meant the beginning of the weekend his son would spent with him. 

Jaehyun immediately found himself smiling, familiar warmth spreading inside his chest. It was worth going through this god damn week just for these two days.

Jisung was his only son, the tear in his eye. He loved this kid with all his heart and just the idea of getting to see him made him feel like he was going to cry.  
He was very well aware that he was turning into that embarassing and awkward dad but he really couldn't help himself. The idea of his beloved child getting too old for his constant care displays tended to make him shiver. He had to use the time he had left well.  
The previous Saturday it marked two entire months since he and Jisung's other dad, not to mention, literal love of his life decided to go separate ways - the anniversary he celebrated getting piss drunk with his best friends, Ten and Yuta, and then crying himself to sleep at night. 

He still hadn't gotten over it, because, how could he? Fuck, his heart was nothing but broken since that day and in his opinion, absolutely nothing could fix him.  
Jaehyun shook his head, trying to get rid of these depressing thoughts. It was supposed to be a happy day, after all. If something could make him feel better, it was, with no doubts, his 5-year old.  
Lost in his mind, he didn't even noticed he had already reached his destination until he saw the familiar building on the other side of the road. 

Their home. Or maybe he should say, his former home. The place he used to share with his favourite people in the world, his family. It was all only memories now.  
He swallowed hard, dangerously close to tears.  
'Not right now, don't do this to yourself now. Dont let Jisung see you in that state'- chanted like a mantra inside his head.  
After almost fifteen minutes, he managed to calm himself a bit. It was the same, everytime he would come to pick up his son, so that one tiny breakdown didn't surprise him, either.  
Getting all of his leftover courage, Jaehyun got out of his car and went to knock on the front door. He still couldn't get used he had to do it like that now. Well, things change, he guessed.  
It only took a short moment until it opened and he felt like he couldn't breathe properly.  
It was him. Standing right in front of him. The closest they had been in weeks.  
Jaehyun opened his mouth wanting to say something, anything, but no words came out. He felt intoxicated and it was all the other male's fault. He'd always had such effect on him. 

Doyoung was wearing just basic black jeans and white shirt (three top buttons opened, he noticed) and yet, he still looked beautiful.  
Jaehyun made a quick eye contact with him, and regretted it the second after. It was so easy to drown in that stare, he knew that from experience.  
'Hey', Doyoung was the first to speak and Jaehyun felt grateful. His voice sounded so, so soft and gentle. 'Come inside, Jisung's getting the last of his stuff packed'

Jaehyun just nodded and walked next to his still husband inside the house. As soon as he stepped his feet in the hallway, he felt overhelmed.  
It was his first time being there after moving out. Usually, when he came over to take his child to his apartment, the baby would already wait for him outside. Doyoung's orders, he assumed.  
But that time, it really hit him. The familiarity of this place. It was all the same, just as he always remembered. Furniture and things in the places he left them, even the picture of the three of them still stood framed on the shoe cupboard. It shouldn't have really made him feel his insides twist, right?  
All the memories began to play in his clouded mind.  
The time Doyoung told him they were going to have a baby and Jaehyun cried for good three hours from love and happiness.  
The time they brought Jisung home, the most important day of both of their lives  
The time their son said his first words and stood his first steps.  
It all happened right there, in that place. How could he not miss being there on daily basis, if the best, last ten years of his life were so connected with it?

Doyoung probably noticed the inner struggle Jaehyun was going through, but didn't say anything. Instead, he went to sit on the couch and patted the space next to himself, giving the younger a sign to sit next to him, so he did.  
He was even more perfect from up close. Effortlessly handsome as always, and Jaehyun wanted nothing more than to lock him in his arms and never let go, but he knew he couldn't. Not anymore.  
'So' again, it was the black haired man who spoke first. 'How have you been?'  
Jaehyun almost have snorted at that. Sure, it was a normal question, regular thing to ask, but how on earth should he answer that one?  
'Oh you know, since you left me, I can't think about anything else, I can't move on with my life, you're always on my mind. I don't think I will ever be able to be fine again if its not with you so, please, wouldn't you take me back?'  
Yeah, definitely not a good idea. So he cleared his throat and, trying to sound as put together as possibile, said.  
'I'm alright, just really busy'

Well, it wasn't a total lie. He really was busy with his work, so, at least, one part of his sentence was true.  
Something in Doyoung's face fell a little at that. He should have expected response like that. After all, it'd always been that way, for god's sake, Jaehyun workaholism was a main reason of their break up.  
He just really couldn't take it anymore. Going even to three days without seeing his husband, because he would stay the night at his office.  
All the times Jisung asked him, why his daddy hadn't came to his kindergarten play, why he's never home, and 'does he not love us anymore?'.

It broke his heart to pieces. He was hurt himself, but he could pretend it was okay. That his most important person hadn't just turned into a stranger. That he didn't feel left out, neglected and ignored.  
But his son? He was only a baby, he didn't understand everything that was going on around him. He really loved Jaehyun and with him never around he started thinking, that, maybe, it was his fault he didn't want to be with them, and that Doyoung couldn't accept.

He decided not to dwell on that. What's done, it was done. There was no use bringing it again.  
But then something hit him. There was a reason he told Jaehyun to come inside intead of just waiting outside, as always.  
'Actually, Jae, I wanted to tell you something.'  
Jaehyun ears peeked. He didn't know why, but his heart jumped in his chest a little.  
He used that nickname. It didn't have to mean anything, Doyoung was so used to it by now that it could've just slipped out.  
Stilll, he prepared himself for something good. But what happened next crashed his hopes at once.

'Don't you think we should start talking about the divorce? Like, have a meeting with our lawyers and...'  
He didn't even hear the rest of the sentence, it got drowned by the sound of his heart crumbling apart.  
So that was it.  
Sure, he should've expected Doyoung to say it. It was two months since they had been in separation and it was obvious it would end up that way. But still, it hurt him more than he was prepared for. It was that kind of pain that could kill you without any warning and Jaehyun couldn't even move, too paralized.

'Doyoung, I-', he started without even knowing what to say.  
Beg him to change his mind maybe, to give him one last chance, to stay with him.  
But he didn't got to speak, because, suddenly, they heard loud thumping upstairs and seconds later, their son was running down the tiers.  
'Baby, I've told you to be careful on these', Doyoung lectured his son softly, but got completely ignored, because the kid's whole attention was on Jaehyun.  
'Daddy!', he screamed excitedly, throwing himself all over the younger man, who instinctively wrapped his hands around the boy's small frame.

'Hi, Jisungie', Jaehyun exhaled, pulling his son as close as he could.  
His presence managed to calm his nerves a little and get his mind off of what Doyoung had just said. He was all that mattered in that moment.  
'You ready to go?',he asked, leaning away a bit to look at his son. Jisung nodded and smiled gleefully, showing off his dimples that matched those his father's. It was the cutest thing Jaehyun had seen all week  
.  
'Okay, then', he stood up, lifting his son up and resting him against his hip. 'So say 'bye' to your papa and we'll go.'  
Doyoung aroused to his feet and moved to embrace his baby in a tight hug. Jaehyun had barely conquered the urge of throwing his arms around his husband and pulling him closer to his chest.

'Behave yourself, alright?', he smiled, running his hand through Jisung's hair, at what he just sighed dramatically.

After stepping away, he looked at Jaehyun, but the younger hadn't returned the gaze.  
Instead, he adjusted his son in his arms and walked into the direction of the front doors, without even sparing him a second glance.  
As they were about to leave the house, he just mumbled a quiet:  
'See you on Sunday, Doyoung.'  
*  
Ride to his place, thankfully, was short and uneventful. Jisung, seated in his baby seat, chirped excitedly about school, his favourite teachers and best friends and Jaehyun gladly took all of it in.  
He really missed his son and hearing that he was doing fine put him at ease.  
When he pulled on the driveway, his kid looked up from the colouring book he'd been reviewing and squeled  
'Daddy, we're here!'  
The pink haired man only chuckled at that. Adorable.  
'That's right baby, you're so observant!', he answered, then came out of the car and went to unfasten Jisung's seatbelt. Habitually, he stretched his arms and wanted to lift him up, but the boy just whined.  
'I'm big now, I can walk myself!'  
'Okay, okay, sorry champ', Jaehyun backed off, letting his son get out himself.  
Sometimes, he really forgot his child wasn't as small as he would like anymore.

When Jisung planted his feet on the ground, his dad locked the car and the two of them began walking towards his apartment.  
Three minutes later they were already inside with Jisung running from one room to another, making sure that nothing had changed since his last visit.  
'Baby, I told you', Jaehyun laughed, taking off his shoes in the hallway. 'It's all the same as always, okay? You were here just last Friday.'  
But Jisung couldn't have paid less attention to his father than in that exact moment. He just kept pacing around, from time to time making surprised sounds at something he hadn't noticed before, looking as if he was having the time of his life.  
'Easy, mister'. Jaehyun chuckled, enchanted by his son's little antics. He really did miss him so much, spent entire week waiting for that exact moment to have him back for at least those two days.  
His friends would always nag him, trying to convince him he should fight for his rights, maybe take Doyoung to the court if needed, but try everything in his power to get Jisung back, to have him living with him and be able to see him everyday.  
And the truth is, he could. But he didn't and never would.  
That day, when they sat together to establish the details of their divorce, Jisung was all they talked about, their baby being the most precious for both of them.  
Against the popular belief, Jaehyun was the one who suggested it.

'I think he should stay with you', he just said like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Doyoung, seated right in front of him across the table, looking more than ready to fight just seconds ago, now was clearly surprised and taken aback.

'Really?', his voice was small and unsure and he sounded just like Jaehyun felt himself. Tired  
'Yes', he nodded, avoiding meeting his husband's eyes at any costs. 'I know how much you love him. I don't want to take him away from you'  
Doyoung eyes went softer but Jaehyun couldn't see it from where he had his gaze focused on the table surface. He felt hot tears gathering at the back of his eyelids, but he swallowed hard, not letting any of them slip out. 'It's a right thing to do, it's okay', he kept thinking to himself even though he wasn't so sure he believed it anymore.

Everybody told him he was crazy, letting Jisung stay with Doyoung without putting any fight, but he was sure that's what he needed to do. Their son was literally the apple of his husband's eye, after all the struggles they had with getting pregnant and all the times they thought they would never become parents, Jisung was their little miracle. Jaehyun loved him with his whole being but he knew that Doyoung was even more connected to their son, he was the one to give birth to him and was with him during every phase of his life, so it was only fair. Even if it hurt like hell, it was right.

'Daddy!', Jisung's squeaky voice pulled him out of his thoughts.  
'What's up baby?', he asked leaning down and scooping him in his arms, what, shockingly, Jisung didn't whine about that time.

'I missed you', he said simply, looking into Jaehyun's eyes wearing that big, loop-sided grin he inherited from his other dad and Jaehyun felt like crying. Shit, he wasn't prepared for being emotionally attacked by his 5-year old.

'I missed you too, big boy', he answered honestly, trying to sound as put together as it was possible. He didn't want to break down in front of his son. 'But we gonna spend the best weekend together, okay? We'll do everything you want, I promise.'  
At that, Jisung beamed. 'Everything?', and Jaehyun should've reconsider his words but he only nodded, wanting his baby to have a great time. 'So I want to go to the amusement park! We could ride all the carousels, even the big ones because I'm not afraid of nothing. And can we eat pizza for dinner? Papa never lets me, he says it's not healthy and makes me eat stupid vegetables.' he pouted adorably and Jaehyun couldn't help but giggle at his cuteness. 

'Of course we can', he answered, petting Jisung's shiny black hair. 'But it will be our secret okay? Just between us, your papa can't know about it or you will get extra portion of vegetables on Monday'  
Jisung opened his eyes comically, as if it was the worst thing he's ever heard. 'I won't say a thing, I swear! I' he assured quickly, making Jaehyun smile widely at his sweetness.  
*  
Three hours later they were sitting on the couch, curled up under the thick blanket, watching the newest part of Toy Story and munching on their pizza. Jisung was fresh out the shower, dressed in his cute dinosaur onesie his parents gave him last Christmas, looking so fascinated by the movie, laughing every few minutes and pointing to the screen. Jaehyun was more focused on him, his heart aching with love at his son's happiness. He wished he could see him like that everyday.  
Halfway through the film, Jaehyun thought Jisung fell asleep with his head heavy on his lap, because he haven't said anything in some time but just then he turned to look up at his dad with serious expression and said.  
'I heard papa crying two nights ago'  
He stated and Jaehyun felt something tighten in his throat. It was so sudden, he didn't expect to hear it, certainly not at that moment.  
'I saw him going over the old albums. You know, the ones with your photos from where you were younger. He looked so sad, dad'  
Jaehyun was speechlees. Completely, fully speechlees. How on earth could he respond to this?

'Uh...baby', he started cautiously, not really sure where to take this. 'Your papa is really emotional and he likes to experience memories all over again. Maybe he reminded himself about something from the past and it made him cry some happy tears? Oh, like the day you were born! It was the most amazing moment for both of us.'  
It made sense, it totally did. But, on the other hand, Jisung didn't look so convinced.  
'No', he stated firmly, examinimg his dad's expression throughfully. 'I think that he still loves you', he said like it was nothing and Jaehyun choked on a coke he was sipping. Damn, Jisung really was too smart for his age.

'Honey...we spent half of our lives together, so it's normal that we still have feelings for each other, but-', he wasn't given a opportunity to finish his sentence, because his son jumped in his seat excitedly and turned to look at him.  
'So you love him too? That's perfect, now we can live together again!', he yelled, clearly thrilled and Jaehyun's heart sank a little.

It was Doyoung who wanted to go separate ways. One night, when Jaehyun came back from work, late as always, he didn't expect to find his husband waiting for him in the kitchen. Usually, he would return to a quiet house, everybody fast asleep, what was totally normal  
given the time. That's why he didn't get to spend as much time with his family as he wanted to recently, but he believed it was only temporary. He got promoted not so long ago, what was a great news for all of them, meaning he was earning noticable more money now and could give his two favourite people the life he'd always wanted. They were his everything.  
'Hey baby', Jaehyun smiled tiredly at Doyoung, who still stood unmoving with his back leaning against the counter. He looked... beautiful, as always, but something was off, he could feel it.  
He went to peck his husband on his cheek and give him a tight hug, but he stepped aside, with his arms folded and annoyed expression.  
'Where have you been?', he just said, voice cold and breaking and only then Jaehyun noticed the tears glistening in his eyes. He wanted to smack himself for being such an idiot, realization hitting him like a train.  
'Love..', he sighed, too exhausted. They've been at this enough times, he knew what was about to come. 'I was at work, you know that. We have last few days to finish that big project I told you about, my boss really counts on me and-'

'Oh he always does, doesn't he? I'm so sick of hearing it. Maybe you should just date him if you already spend your whole time with him, hm?', he whisper-shouted not to wake Jisung up, face red with anger and Jaehyun went speechlees.  
It wasn't the first time Doyoung got jealous over his boss, Johnny. Of course, he was with no doubts hot and only two years older than Jaehyun and they were kind of friends, but that was everything. They both were happilly married and had absolutely no intention of changing that, what Doyoung couldn't understand. He kept on insisting that Jaehyun was spending that much at work, because they had something going on between them which was totally unbelievable for Jaehyun. He was the love of his life, for god's sake, he would never cheat on him, ever.

'Baby..please, can we not do it again?', he was exhausted to the core and the only thing he wanted was to finally get some sleep, preferably in his husband's arms, but that didn't seem like an option that exact moment.

Doyoung, on the other hand, wasn't giving up. If anything, Jaehyun's words only pissed him off more, his face getting more red with every second.

'I've got enough of it, you know that?!', he yelled, this time not caring to keep his voice down. 'You're never home, I feel like we became strangers for each other. You're not the person I fell in love with all these years ago, It's like I don't know you anymore.'  
Jaehyun wanted to say anything, calm him but he couldn't get any word out. He was just standing there, feeling frozen, while Doyoung continued with his attack.

'Today was Jisung's first football game. He was so excited, wanted to make you proud, was practicing for it the whole week. But you forgot again, right? That's what you always do.'

His tone was now low and cold and Jaehyun thought the shouting wasn't that bad after all. He opened his mouth, then closed it again, eyes wide, and pure expression of horror painted on his face. Because he indeed did forget about it. He remembered that Jisung told him about his upcoming match a few days before, it was his first performance in that local junior team and he was so thrilled. Jaehyun, obviously, was as happy as his son, proud that his baby was following his dreams at such young age. Naturally, he promised he would be there, on the crowd, cheering him on. And the truth is, that's all he wanted to do, be with his son during such important moment of his life. But, again, work got in his way. He knew how it sounded, but that's how it was. Being this pilled up in work and stressed 24/7, he simply forgot about it and now, he felt like the worst man on the planet.

'I could've guessed you would do that', Doyoung didn't have enough, not bothered by how shaken and ashamed Jaehyun already looked.

'Doyoung-', Jaehyun started once again, his voice sounding weak in his own ears, but he interupted him again.

'He asked me whether you're mad at him', he said, looking at him with nothing but pain in his eyes. 'Our little son thinks that it's his fault you're never at home and don't spend time with him anymore. He said that he knows you don't love him anymore', the last part was barely above a whisper, but Jaehyun heard in anyways, the words breaking his heart in one second.

He felt tears gathering in his eyes and dull pain spreading across his chest.

'You now that's not true', he sobbed, not able to control himself any longer. 'You know that Doyoung. I love both of you so fucking much, I'd do everything for you. I work so much to give you a good life, I want you to be happy. You and Jisung are all that matters for me', he tried to come closer to Doyoung, but he stepped away again.

'I know Jae', he said, not controlling his own tears. 'But don't you see what's going on? We barely see each other, is this the life we wanted?', Doyoung's voice was so sad and it made Jaehyun only cry more.  
It definitely wasn't supposed to go that way.  
'Look', finally, he moved and took Jaehyun's hand in his, stroking it gently, as if trying to comfort him. 'It's all pointless. You know it, deep down in your heart. Something changed, and we are unable to fix it'

'Honey, please', Jaehyun let out another choked sob, not wanting to accept the reality. 'Don't say it. We're us. We can do anything, we'll get over it as well'

His husband just glanced at him for what felt like eternity. Jaehyun looked into his teary eyes, and got hit with so much love, it could suffocate him. This man really was his everything, he held his entire heart in his hands and Jaehyun couldn't imagine living without him.

Doyoung closed his eyes, and jolted his head. 'No', he said weakly, breaking Jaehyun's heart with that one simple word. 'It's been too long. Jisung is hurting and I will never allow it. It's for the better. I think we should let go of each other, for the sake of all of us', he tried to sound steady and composed, but it was impossible to miss the trembling of his voice and fresh tears rolling down his cheeks.

Jaehyun couldn't really recall what happened after that. The only thing he remembered was both of them crying, finally falling into each other's arms, desperately holding onto the other. He tried to beg, promise to change, to be better, but Doyoung just kept shaking his head through the tears, not wanting to listen to him.

Nothing changed the next day, or the day after that. Doyoung made the decision for both of them, and Jaehyun had no other choice than to accept, even if the pain he felt inside was unbelievable. Even after Jaehyun's long talk with Jisung, during which he apologised for missing his game and assured him that he loved him very much, Doyoung remained adamant, insisting it was the best thing to do like a broken record.

Explaining it to Jisung was as hard as he thought it to be. He cried, causing both of them to cry too, then assured him that nothing would really change and that he'll always be their little baby, which calmed him down a bit. Jaehyun never felt as heartbroken as in that exact moment.

It all happened so quickly after that, Jaehyun felt as if trapped in a bad dream. In no more than two weeks he found an apartment with some help from his friends who were there for him the whole time, packed his bags and moved away. It was the worst day of his life.  
*  
'Look, Jisungie', Jaehyun came back to reality, shaking those memories out of his head. He pulled his son onto his lap and ran his hand through his hair gently. 'We talked about this, remember', he used the softest voice he could muster and Jisung just nodded at that. 'Me and your papa always gonna care for each other and our feelings won't dissapear completely. But, as it often happens, we drifted apart. It was nobody's fault, it just...happened', he knew it was a lie because it was only him to blame, but he was too big of a coward to admit it out loud to his child.

Jisung coxed his head to the side, the hope once again gone from his eyes. 'So you aren't getting back together?'  
Jaehyun hated it. Trully, honestly hated.

'It's not possible, baby', he muttered sadly, getting emotional himself. 'But you know we love you the most, right? And it will never change', he leaned to close Jisung in a tight embrance, wanting him to feel all the love he had for him.  
Oh, how he wished the things could be different.

*  
When the movie ended, Jisung was long asleep. Jaehyun carried him cautiously to his room he designed for times he stayed over and put him to bed. He looked so small, so fragile and Jaehyun wanted nothing more than to protect him from the cruel world outside. He carefully pressed a kiss to his forehead before heading to his own bedroom. 

Never mind the exhaustion from hard week of work, he wasn't able to sleep. He kept rolling from side to side in his bed, head practically exploding from the excess of unwanted thoughts. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn't forget Jisung's words from earlier. Did Doyoung really cry while watching their old photos? What did it mean? Did he miss him too?

Because Jaehyun certainly did. It was no secret that he still was madly in love with his husband and he never wanted to part from him. Did he change his mind? He was so confused, his heart beating loudly in his chest. It was a stupid move to build his hopes up but he did it, anyways. The last thing he remembered before finally dozing off showed the three of them playing board games in their living room. He couldn't contain that little smile that found its way to his face. 

*  
'Daddy!'  
Jaehyun groaned sleepily, still too tired to open his eyes. He didn't know what time it was but surely, it wasn't too early for Jisung, who was jumping excitedly on his bed.

'Dad, wake up. We're going to amusement park. You promised, remember?'

Right. He should've expected that his son would wake him up the first thing in the morning, too thrilled to wait any longer. He definitely took that after Doyoung.

Jaehyun rolled onto his back, focusing on his son, who was bouncing on his heels, not even able to stand still. 

'Okay baby', he sighed, still not fully coherent, but getting up anyways. 'But we need to eat something. You need to have energy for the whole day of playing, don't you?'

Jaehyun managed to bribe Jisung with his favourite cartoon, so he could prepare breakfast for them without interruptions. Sometimes he forgot what an amazing invention technology was. 

In between of waiting for rice to cook, he took out his phone and dialed Ten's number. He was more than surprised when he accepted it after the sixth signal. He had never been a morning person.

'What', he growled on the other side of line, grumpier than ever and it didn't take a genious to know that he just got woken up from his beauty sleep.

'Yeah, it's nice to hear you too, my lovely friend. I'm doing fine, thanks for asking', he teased, amused, but the other man wasn't having any of it.

'Listen, you asshole. If you don't tell me why the fuck you decided to-', Jaehyun could imagine the annoyed look of his face perfectly and, even if he was having more fun that he should, he had other priorities he needed to take care of.

'We're taking Jisung to the amusement park', he said, knowing that he didn't need to add anything. Ten might've been a dick most of the times, but he had the softest spot for his self-proclaimed godson.

It turned silent for a moment and Jaehyun thought that maybe he hung up on him, but then he heard some rustling, something similiar to bed squeaking and his friend's hushed, yet firm voice.  
'Yuta, wake up, we're going to the amusement park'.

*  
Jaehyun would sacrifice everything only for Jisung to always be as happy as he was when they arrived at the place. He was basically jumping in his walk, gasping at everything he saw, not knowing what he should concentrate on. It was adorable. 

'Where do you want to go first, baby?', Ten asked him gently, holding his hand for safety and Jaehyun was sure he would never get used to seeing that side of his best friend. Over more that fifteen years of friendship, the most civil Ten ever got was when he was around his boyfriend, and it didn't even happen always. He was known for having absoluely no filter, his sass taking over him more often than not. It was so...weird to see him gush over Jisung and from the quick look shared with Yuta, he knew he wasn't the only one who thought that way

According to the 5-year-old's wish, they went for every ride Jisung got accepted for. Luckily, none of them was particulary dangerous and Jaehyun was able to exhale deeply. After more than two hours of constant running from one place to another, there was only one carousel they hadn't been on, but Ten seemed to have reached his limit.

'Darling, can you go with him? We'll wait for you in that cafeteria', he said using his pleading tone and pouted slightly, what had Yuta rolling his eyes, albeit smiling that perfect smile of his.  
'You're lucky you're cute', he shook his head and Ten climbed on his fingers a little to peck a tiny kiss on his cheek.  
Yuta just smiled and stretched his hand for Jisung to take, what he gladly did, and then the both of them dissapeared from their eyesight.  
'You're so whipped', Jaehyun mocked and Ten sent him a deadly stare. That was all of him being a softie.

When they settled at a table in some small cafe next to the park and said their orders, Jaehyun started to feel a little uneasy. Ten noticed it, of course he did, he knew him better than anyone else did.

'You gonna tell me what's wrong? You know I can feel it'. Jaehyun did know. So he told him right away, about what he learned the previous day from Jisung.

As expected, Ten was as shocked as he was.  
'Holy fuck', he exclaimed as soon as Jaehyun stopped taking, 'Jae, that's fucking huge!'  
Jaehyun just kept looking at him, not entirely following.  
'Why?', he asked dumbly and Ten rolled his eyes at that.  
'Please don't pretend to be more stupid than you already are', he whined, frustrated. 'Your almost ex husband, the love of your life is crying while watching your photos together. Don't you know what it means?'   
Jaehyun didn't respond, too busy looking at his nails intently.  
'Hey', Ten reached out to touch his hand, making him focus on him again. 'You still love him. And it's clear that he hadn't forgotten about you entirely as well. Talk to him, okay? That's the most you can do'  
Jaehyun knew it was true and he hated when Ten was right, but he nodded anyways. Something inside his gut told him that maybe, just maybe, his case wasn't completely lost.

*  
When Yuta and Jisung came back, Jaehyun's son looked absolutely extatic.  
He seated himself on Ten's lap with no warning and the older man wasn't able to hide all the affection he watched him with.  
'How was it, honey?', he asked, delicately fixing his wind-mussed hair while Jisung kept rambling about how fun it was and that he wasn't even a little afraid.  
Yuta was studying that whole scene in silence, hiding his fond smile behind a coffe cup but Jaehyun caught it nevertheless.

'Hyung, maybe you should try for your own, don't you think', he whispered in his ear, making sure no one else heard it and Yuta only beamed wider.  
'Maybe we will', he answered cheekily taking another sip of his beverage.

*  
When they finally returned home, it was really late into the evening. It just happened that he couldn't bring himself to refuse Jisung anything when he was using that puppy-like expression on him and he wanted to go to cinema afterwards, so Jaehyun had no choice than to oblige. 

Luckily for him, after such an intense day Jisung was ready to fall asleep right where he stood, Jaehyun had troubles with bringing him to shower first. It took a lot of convincing but, finally, he managed to get him to wash quickly and then put him to bed, skipping on dinner because he had had some fries before. Damn, if only Doyoung knew, he would come for his head with no doubts.

With Jisung fast asleep, he didn't have anything to occupy his head with, and the much dreaded thoughts started to gather inside his head again. In those past weeks, he tried everything in his courage not to think about Doyoung, because it always ended in the same way - he would cry and feel like shit overall. He missed him. He missed him so much it hurt so he prefered to pretend everything was alright. Except, it wasn't and he felt like he was starting to lose his mind every day. He'd never been that hurt in his entire life.

Jaehyun shuffled to the living room and plopped down onto his couch, his head heavy with things he didn't want to remember about. 

'You can't live like this. One day, it's gonna kill you', he recalled the words Ten said to him that night few weeks ago when he got royally drunk on their break up anniversary. He didn't judge him, was far from it, but Jaehyun caught that look in his eyes even if he was barely concious.  
Thinking about them now, Jaehyun found them more accurate than ever. Instead of getting better, he was falling deeper and deeper into his miserable state of mind.  
He wasn't sure he could keep going like that anymore.  
He grabbed his mobile and opened his gallery. That was so typical for him to do during his mental breakdown, scrolling through hundreads of photos brought him comfort, even if it was laced with big portion of pain. 

Just when he got to his absolute favourite, showing him and Doyoung at the beach, smiling happily to the camera and hugging tiny Jisung seated between the two of them, something broke in him.

'Fuck it', he whispered to himself, before entering the contacts and dialing that number he still knew by heart before letting the panic put him off of it.

'Hello?', he answered after only a couple of seconds and Jaehyun's breath got trapped inside his lungs. It's real, it's happening.

'Jae?', again, that nickname, his brain helpfully supplied, 'Are you there? Is everything okay? Something's wrong with Jisung?', Doyoung's voice suddenly went anxious and that's when Jaehyun realized he still hadn't said anything.  
'Oh, no, no, he's perfectly fine, please don't worry', he stammered, trying to calm him down. 'We actually came back from the amusement park not so long ago and he got so tired he's sleeping now'

He heard him exhale im relief, could almost imagine him closing his eyes and throwning his head back for a moment to relax. He would always do that.

'Shit, you scared me', Doyoung muttered in a small manner and Jaehyun wanted to laugh, but then it happened, the moment he was afraid of.

'So...is there any special reason for you calling?', he knew it was gonna happen, it was inevitable, yet he froze in his tracks.  
How should he respond? What should he say?

His hands were shaking and head was spinning, but he didn't want to back off. He felt like a lunatic, not sure what he was doing.

'No, guess- I just wanted to hear your voice',he answered and the second he did, he wanted to dissapear, wanted the earth to swallow him alive, wished he could go back in time and never, ever repeat his idiotic move. For fuck's sake, why wasn't he able to hold back.

It got silent between them again and Jaehyun was too afraid to open his eyes. He was so fucking stupid.

'Oh', Doyoung finally came back, clearly not knowing what to say, and Jaehyun couldn't blame him. What was he even thinking he was doing?  
'Doyoung, I'm sorry, please forget it-' he panicked, his nervousness fully blown out. 

'Jae, that's okay', was all he said, still quite uneasy but also.. soft? Did he hear it right? What was going on, he was going crazy. 

'I mean... I kind of wanted to hear you too, you know', Doyoung added, and Jaehyun felt he was about to have a heart attack.

'You - you did?' He did?

'I did', he just confirmed calmly while Jaehyun wanted to scream his lungs out. How he still could be so collected was beyond him. 

It reminded him an awful lot about that time he was in high school, just learning how to flirt, when every conversation with Doyoung would leave him blushing and giggling nervously.  
Except, it was fifteen years later and they weren't together anymore. The universe really liked to see him struggle.

'Jaehyun, look..', Doyoung took over again, Jaehyun didn't even notice he spaced out for the second time. 'Can we talk tommorow when you bring Jisung back? I think it's better to do it in person, you know. What do you say?'  
Jaehyun couldn't form any proper words. He was stunned, completely shocked. 

'Yeah', he managed to gasp out with difficulcy. 'I'd like that'.

'That's great', Jaehyun could made this up, but he certainly heard Doyoung smiling lightly. 'Bye then, Jae', with that he hung up and Jaehyun spent good thirty minutes stucked in one place, trying to understand what had just happened.

*  
Sunday rolled by quickly and agonizingly slow at the same time. Jaehyun took Jisung to his grandparent's for lunch and his heart swelled in his chest when he watched him pacing around gleefully, not even bating an eye at his grandmother kissing his cheeks or his grandpa ruffling his hair. He was so happy seeing how happy all of them were he could honestly watch them enjoying themselves all day.

Because of the good atmosphere, the time flied so fast, that before he even blinked it was already late afternoon, nearing the time he should've dropped Jisung home by. 

Back in his car, Jaehyun felt butterflies in his stomach. It was dumb and made him feel like an unexperienced teenager again, but that's how it was. Even Jisung's cheerfull tone telling him how he liked their weekend couldn't bring him to focus. Currently he had just one thought inside his head and he didn't want to let go of it.

*  
When they arrived at their destination, Jisung was really surprised to see his dad walk in the direction of their front door. Usually he'd just wait for him to dissapear inside and then go, it was so unusual for him to do.

'Dad, you're coming?', he asked stunned and Jaehyun nodded. 'I need to talk with your appa about something you, know?'

Jisung didn't say anything, still not fully understanding. He could sense something was different than usual.

Out of habit, Jaehyun stretched his hand to knock, but his son was quicker, already bursting the doors open and rushing inside.  
'Appa! Appa! I'm back', he screamed excitedly as if he had been away for months. That was quite adorable.

Doyoung emerged from the kitchen alarmed by the noise and his face literally beamed as soon as he saw Jisung.

'Hey baby', he smilled that big smile of his before hugging his son. It was clearly seen he missed him so much.  
'How was it? Did you have fun with your dad?', Doyoung asked lifting him and Jisung chuckled at that. 'Very! It was so cool, I liked it the most!', he threw his hands in the air to emphasise his happiness and Doyoung only grinned harder at that.

Seconds later, he put Jisung to the ground carefully and ruffled his hair lovingly before saying  
'Go play in your room for a while, okay? Me and your dad have to talk about something'  
Jisung looked between his parents, visibly confused and maybe a little..hopeful, but he didn't say anything, instead he headed upstairs with a small nod and the next thing they heard was his door closing. That's when Doyoung focused his eyes on Jaehyun for the first time that evening and he couldn't help but feel small again. His stare was too powerful for him.

They stood there for a moment, none of them saying anything, just watching each other. Jaehyun, once again, couldn't not think about how handsome, beautiful and undeniably perfect Doyoung looked in his oversized t-shirt and sweatpants. He really was the one of his kind.

'Come on, let's take a seat', the younger said finally, gesturing towards the living room and Jaehyun had this strange feeling of deja vu from when he was there last time.

He complied silently and the next thing he knew, they were once again seated on that old couch, but this time closer to each other, as if some invisible wall separating them before crashed down. Jaehyun liked it that way.

He figured that, this time, he should be the first one to speak. 

'Look. I'm sorry if me calling you made you feel uncomfortable, it's honestly what I wanted to avoid at all costs. That's also why I didn't say anything for so long but that night.... I just couldn't keep it inside anymore, you know?', he run his hand through his hair anxiously, but one quick glance at Doyoung told him that he wasn't mad or anything. Maybe it was just his wishfull thinking, but he swallowed hard and pushed himself to continue. 'I don't think it's a surprise for you, but I love you, Doyoung. I love you with my whole heart and I miss you everyday. I know that's all my fault and that I'm the only one to blame but-', he kept rambling, running out of breath, getting lost in his own words. He had so much he wanted to tell him before, but all of it seemed to be long forgotten. No words could express how much love he had for him.

'Jaehyun', suddenly, Doyoung was sitting so close to him and his hand laid on top of his own. Jaehyun was sure his heart was ready to pop out of his chest any second.

'I miss you, too. It gets harder everyday, I keep thinking about you, I keep wanting to call you, to have you by my side again. I love you so much it actually hurts me', Doyoung's voice was small and shaky, but Jaehyun paid it no mind. He couldn't believe he heard him correctly.

Trying his luck, he moved to stroke his husband's hand with his own, and he didn't flinch away. It felt like a dream.

'Doyoungie... I would do everything in my power just to make you happy. I'd give you the world, the stars, and all that sappy shit we've always laugh at', Doyoung chuckled watery at that, his eyes circling.  
'I fucked up majorly and I'm aware of it. I hurt both you and Jisung and trust me, I hate myself for it all the time. But-',

The distance between them was barely existent, their knees touching and faces centimeters apart.

'But if you give me another chance', he whispered as if being too loud could ruin their moment. 'I'll be the best husband you could ask for. Please, Doyoung. I promise, I changed and I'll never repeat my shitty mistakes. Only you and Jisung matter to me and I'll prove it to you, only if you let me.

By the end of his sentence, Doyoung was crying, big tears rolling down his face. Before Jaehyun could do anything, he got pulled into a embrace, the younger now sobbing into his hoodie.

'I want to, but-t I'm scared', he hiccupped, face still muffled by the material.

Jaehyun pulled him off gently so they were facing each other once again. Doyoung's face was red from crying, eyes swelled and glassy, but to Jaehyun he was still gorgeous.

'We can take our time, there's no need to rush. I really want to show you that I mean what I've just said. My love has never been as strong as it's right now.' 

Doyoung stared at him for some stressing seconds, but then he leaned down to kiss him and Jaehyun finally felt alive. It wasn't all fireworks and honey or any of that ridiculous crap. It was better with no doubts. It felt like coming home.

Doyoung's lips were just as soft as he remembered them to be, his hand cupping his cheek gently felt so grounding and warm and only then did he realise he was crying, but it didn't matter. Nothing else beside the man in front of him did.

'So', Jaehyun prompted when they parted, their foreheads still pressed together. 'You think you're ready to forgive me?'

'Yes', Doyoung answered in no time, not bothered to hide that big smile creeping on his face. 'But only if you can forgive me as well'.

Instead of answering, Jaehyun opted to go for another kiss. God, did he miss it.

Doyoung circled his arms around him to pull him closer and that's when they heard rapid steps leading down the stairs and then there was Jisung standing before them, excited like it was Christmas already, practically glowning with happiness. They had no doubts he was eavesdropping on them from the upstairs.

'Come here, baby', Doyoung grinned with so much joy, gesturing for Jisung to join them, what he gleefully did, shuffling between his parents with the widest smile ever. 

Jaehyun couldn't believe his luck. After all these weeks of constant pain and suffering, he came back to his square one, holding his favourite people inside his arms. It was unbelievable, yet felt just right, like finding the missing piece of puzzle to complete the jigsaw.

He would never hurt them again, never in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING  
> ALSO!!!i need some attention so please write something anything i beg u let me know if that was ok:[


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